The Death of Me
Jan. 12th, 2020 12:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
theflirtI should have seen those signs all around me
But I was comfortable inside these wounds
So go ahead and take another piece of me now
While we all bow down to you
You tear me down and then you pick me up
You take it all and still it’s not enough
You try to tell me you can heal me
But I’m still bleeding and you’ll be
The death of me
How can you end my affliction
If you’re the sickness and I’m the cure
Too long I’ve faked this addiction
Another sacrifice to make us pure
No, the Doctor isn’t always there when they need him the most.
Over a century, Jack worked to mold Torchwood into what he finally made it. Slowly at first, then steadily gaining momentum toward the beginning of the 20th century. After, Alex killed the entire team and himself. The poor confused man’s ‘party’ to ring in the New Year.
The New Century.
This would be second time the Immortal had witnessed a century turn on Earth. How much had changed in the last hundred years. Some of it not for the better, but Jack? Well he can still see the beauty in the people around him. The beauty that the Doctor opened his eyes to.
The Captain already saw everyone as beautiful, but this sort of beauty was different. This beauty shined with a light of hope. Hope that he was given the chance to see by the time traveling stranger.
So, Jack waited. He was patient. He knew some day his patience would be rewarded. One day, The Doctor would come, his doctor. And he would get his answers.
After the fall of Torchwood Three on New Years day 2000, the immortal took his time choosing his new team. He searched. He watched. He checked and double checked. He hand-picked everyone. He really did want to build something in tribute to the Doctor.
The man who turned his life around.
Who showed him he had a choice.
The man he stood beside on those handful of occasions and stared into the face of their enemies.
The Doctor, his doctor.
He’d been waiting there in Cardiff this entire time hoping for him to show back up. Praying everyday he moved Torchwood in the right direction, that one day he could show him.
That one day he could make him proud.
The Doctor came and Jack left. When the immortal came back he was different. Having spent the last year chain in the bowels of that ship had changed the way the captain looked at some things. Jack had suffered, he’d been tortured. Hurt. He’d been killed and returned to life over and over and over.
But in the end they did it. They saved the planet. Well at that time, Martha had actually saved the planet, but it was them. The Doctor, Martha and Jack who pulled it off.
When Gray showed up, Jack understood. This time it was his battle, he fought and won, but the blow to his team? To his confidence? Was devastating. He’d lost two of his treasured team members. He’d lost part of his family. Jack was able to accept that this was one battle the Doctor couldn’t help him with. It was minor in comparison.
Then again, Jack went to aid the Doctor. The time the sun disappeared and the Earth was stolen. Jack eagerly went running to his mentor to help in anyway he could. In the end, the Doctor had won that battle as well, with the help of the beautiful Donna Noble. The Time Lord always won.
The immortal was a loyal ally and asset for the Doctor. Jack was always willing to go stand at his side should he need him. His faith in the Time Lord was unwavering. He trusted his judgment. And for what?
To be left hanging by his ‘savior’ at the one time he needed him the most?
Tossed aside and left to fend for himself.
And what a fine job of that he did.
The one time, besides finding him again, that Jack really needed the Doctor, the Time Lord let him down. He let them all down. The Doctor should have been there to help deal with the 456. He could have solved it. He would have known what to do.
Instead, Jack was left to figure it out for himself, and while he captain isn’t completely incompetent, he wasn’t prepared to handle what the monsters asked for.
And he fucked it all up.
Yeah..in regard to the Earth, the outcome was the desired one. But the cost?….Jack can’t get over the cost. There’s a selfish part of him that just doesn’t think that saving the children was worth his losses. He lost Ianto. The Welshman loyal and trusting all the way to the end followed him into that building and it cost him is life. Where was the Doctor then?
Where was he while the captain’s lover lay dying in his arms? Where was he?
The 456 were bigger than Jack. The immortal knew this going in there. Not a moment passed that he didn’t expect for the Doctor to show up. He hoped he would show up. He never did. And Jack lost him. So in a fit of grief, pain and rage, the captain sacrificed his own flesh and blood to destroy the creatures. At that point, his motives were no longer to save the children of Earth. They were purely to deal swift justice to the 456 for taking his lover away. Purely selfish. Jack murdered his own grandson. What would the Doctor think of him now.
If only the Doctor would have come and helped him.
If only he had done what he always did.
If only he had heard those familiar engines and that fantastic man in his brown trench coat, blue suit and disheveled hair had stepped out.
If only he had made those horrible monsters cower in their man-made habitat.
If only he had bent them to his will and saved the Earth.
The EARTH the planet the Time Lord claimed he loved so much. How could he stand by and just let them come so close to failing?
The captain doesn’t know if he could ever forgive the Time Lord. He just doesn’t know. He trusted the Doctor, like his team trusted him, and blindly Jack followed.
And he was let down.
He feels some days like everything he believed in for the last century and a nearly half was a lie. That all the time he spent in Cardiff molding, shaping, and willing Torchwood to be what he made it was for a lie. His whole life from the day he met the Doctor and Rose brought him back has been a lie.
Some days he thinks if he ever saw the Time Lord again he’d kill him.
Some days Jack thinks he should go back to the old ways of Torchwood and consider the Doctor an enemy of the Earth. Some days Jack thinks that’s the way it should be. Today is one of those days.
But I was comfortable inside these wounds
So go ahead and take another piece of me now
While we all bow down to you
You tear me down and then you pick me up
You take it all and still it’s not enough
You try to tell me you can heal me
But I’m still bleeding and you’ll be
The death of me
How can you end my affliction
If you’re the sickness and I’m the cure
Too long I’ve faked this addiction
Another sacrifice to make us pure
No, the Doctor isn’t always there when they need him the most.
Over a century, Jack worked to mold Torchwood into what he finally made it. Slowly at first, then steadily gaining momentum toward the beginning of the 20th century. After, Alex killed the entire team and himself. The poor confused man’s ‘party’ to ring in the New Year.
The New Century.
This would be second time the Immortal had witnessed a century turn on Earth. How much had changed in the last hundred years. Some of it not for the better, but Jack? Well he can still see the beauty in the people around him. The beauty that the Doctor opened his eyes to.
The Captain already saw everyone as beautiful, but this sort of beauty was different. This beauty shined with a light of hope. Hope that he was given the chance to see by the time traveling stranger.
So, Jack waited. He was patient. He knew some day his patience would be rewarded. One day, The Doctor would come, his doctor. And he would get his answers.
After the fall of Torchwood Three on New Years day 2000, the immortal took his time choosing his new team. He searched. He watched. He checked and double checked. He hand-picked everyone. He really did want to build something in tribute to the Doctor.
The man who turned his life around.
Who showed him he had a choice.
The man he stood beside on those handful of occasions and stared into the face of their enemies.
The Doctor, his doctor.
He’d been waiting there in Cardiff this entire time hoping for him to show back up. Praying everyday he moved Torchwood in the right direction, that one day he could show him.
That one day he could make him proud.
The Doctor came and Jack left. When the immortal came back he was different. Having spent the last year chain in the bowels of that ship had changed the way the captain looked at some things. Jack had suffered, he’d been tortured. Hurt. He’d been killed and returned to life over and over and over.
But in the end they did it. They saved the planet. Well at that time, Martha had actually saved the planet, but it was them. The Doctor, Martha and Jack who pulled it off.
When Gray showed up, Jack understood. This time it was his battle, he fought and won, but the blow to his team? To his confidence? Was devastating. He’d lost two of his treasured team members. He’d lost part of his family. Jack was able to accept that this was one battle the Doctor couldn’t help him with. It was minor in comparison.
Then again, Jack went to aid the Doctor. The time the sun disappeared and the Earth was stolen. Jack eagerly went running to his mentor to help in anyway he could. In the end, the Doctor had won that battle as well, with the help of the beautiful Donna Noble. The Time Lord always won.
The immortal was a loyal ally and asset for the Doctor. Jack was always willing to go stand at his side should he need him. His faith in the Time Lord was unwavering. He trusted his judgment. And for what?
To be left hanging by his ‘savior’ at the one time he needed him the most?
Tossed aside and left to fend for himself.
And what a fine job of that he did.
The one time, besides finding him again, that Jack really needed the Doctor, the Time Lord let him down. He let them all down. The Doctor should have been there to help deal with the 456. He could have solved it. He would have known what to do.
Instead, Jack was left to figure it out for himself, and while he captain isn’t completely incompetent, he wasn’t prepared to handle what the monsters asked for.
And he fucked it all up.
Yeah..in regard to the Earth, the outcome was the desired one. But the cost?….Jack can’t get over the cost. There’s a selfish part of him that just doesn’t think that saving the children was worth his losses. He lost Ianto. The Welshman loyal and trusting all the way to the end followed him into that building and it cost him is life. Where was the Doctor then?
Where was he while the captain’s lover lay dying in his arms? Where was he?
The 456 were bigger than Jack. The immortal knew this going in there. Not a moment passed that he didn’t expect for the Doctor to show up. He hoped he would show up. He never did. And Jack lost him. So in a fit of grief, pain and rage, the captain sacrificed his own flesh and blood to destroy the creatures. At that point, his motives were no longer to save the children of Earth. They were purely to deal swift justice to the 456 for taking his lover away. Purely selfish. Jack murdered his own grandson. What would the Doctor think of him now.
If only the Doctor would have come and helped him.
If only he had done what he always did.
If only he had heard those familiar engines and that fantastic man in his brown trench coat, blue suit and disheveled hair had stepped out.
If only he had made those horrible monsters cower in their man-made habitat.
If only he had bent them to his will and saved the Earth.
The EARTH the planet the Time Lord claimed he loved so much. How could he stand by and just let them come so close to failing?
The captain doesn’t know if he could ever forgive the Time Lord. He just doesn’t know. He trusted the Doctor, like his team trusted him, and blindly Jack followed.
And he was let down.
He feels some days like everything he believed in for the last century and a nearly half was a lie. That all the time he spent in Cardiff molding, shaping, and willing Torchwood to be what he made it was for a lie. His whole life from the day he met the Doctor and Rose brought him back has been a lie.
Some days he thinks if he ever saw the Time Lord again he’d kill him.
Some days Jack thinks he should go back to the old ways of Torchwood and consider the Doctor an enemy of the Earth. Some days Jack thinks that’s the way it should be. Today is one of those days.
